i took a pre RN board today. its a meaure of how we could do on the "real" test when the time comes. it was  hard. it truly was. i was thinking oh shit, here we go. we should get the results by middle of next week and i will let you know how i did.  anyways after that, ed and aayden came to pick me up (we have been driving your car) and we took aayden to mclaine to get his hair cut.  its cute.  he did a good job and aayden tolerated it pretty well. you would have been proud (well i am sure you are proud) after that we went to 63 diner for lunch and aayden was flirting with the girls there. he is quite the ladies man!!! then we had a WIC appt and then we came home.  the whole way home, i was pouting. pouting and fighting back tears.  i didn't want to go home , i wanted to hang out with you like we did.  it's hard for me not to pick up the phone and call 356-8624. i miss that number coming up on my phone a killzillion times a day.  God liz, why couldn't things have been different that day? i know that it can't be changed. but i feel so powerless!!  you were/are my buddy for life!!!!  i mom loves all of her kids, but she loves them individually, in  each individual way.  you were the kid tht need the extra love and i was always there to give it to you in any form you needed to know that you were loved.  i miss our talks and i even miss your smart ass mouth!!!  the christmas season will not be the same. it will come and we will deal with it, but it will never be christmas again the way it was.  christmas was all about you!! hahahhahaa . i enjoyed this time of year with you. you would get so aggravated, "can i have this mom?" and i would say "Christmas is just a few weeks away, we will see then!" and then you would go "i hate this!" and smirk!!!!  and i would laugh under my breath.  the cereal is all stale since you  left us.  we have boxes of it just sitting in our cabinent waiting for you to come back!!  you were the cereal queen!!  your room is hard to go too. i look at your clothes and it makes me sad :(  i have given some of your things to your friends. i figure you would want me to do that.  i need your strength liz, continue to give it to me, continue to shine your light on us all.

missing you bad kiddo!

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hey pumpkin, i miss you like crazzzzyyyy. you were my best buddy ever, and you were always there for me. i still can't believe to this day that you are gone, and not coming back. i'm sorry for every fight that we ever had, but that made us, us. remember at the duplex on derby, it was christmas and we fought in the street, then we hugged and cried together and promised never to fight again. yeah right, we fought the next day. i don't know what i am doing anymore. everything is so confusing, and this music is making me cry hard. it seems like i am going through stages of depressed, angry, and even more depressed. nobody is to balme, but you had no control. i ask everyday why you were taken? i never get an answer, maybe someday i will. we have been through so much together, and i never let people in, except you. whatwill i do without you? you are all i think about, 24-7. please make the hurt go away. i hate that you are gone forever. your mommy is missing you so badly and i wish i could help, but i hurt too. aayden is growing so fast. i am so sad that your family is leaving, i think about it all the time. i understand that they have to, but i will have nothing then, and you know how obssessed i am with aayden. i have to see my little boy grow to be beautiful like his mommy. you are beautiful and i miss you so much. what will i do? it gets worse and worse everyday. i will always take care of your family, always. don't worry. my family misses you soo much, you were like there little girl. we talk about you a lot. i broke my heart to hear the autopsy report. i don't know how all of that happened. you were beat up, and that makes me so sad. i hope you were'nt scarred, god i hope not. i miss everything about you. well i better go, i am being selfish to others that want to write. i miss you so much and i will give aayden the biggest kiss for you. bye for now baby, i love you

jen

i love this picture, because our cheeks are matted together. you are so real to me and i miss you.

ok my dear lizzie, it is midnight and i felt compelled to write you, cuz i really wish you were here to kick ed outta bed!!!  he snores like a train, you know how he does it and then you are supposed to be here with me, watching forensic files like we do:) 

i feel you giving me strength (at least today)  continue to shine your lizzie light down upon us all.  we all need you. you have brought soooooooooooo many people together, you always had a special way of doing that. 

i miss you more and more with each and every day.....

i love you my angel baby:)

aayden said his prayers this morning:)

aaron and i were talking about some of your favorite youtube videos and aaron said that this one made you guys crack up laughing all the time !!!   LMAO!!!

i miss you and love you and miss you and love you and miss you and love you and miss you and love you and miss you and love you and miss you and love you and .....i wish i could smack you on the butt!!  or better yet, i wish that you were here walking around with your booty hanging out and your little tummy hanging out like you did.  i am still freakin numb from all of this. i always think that you will be back. i miss my phone ringing. i miss your smile.  i will write more later .  oh, aayden is missing you. we started saying prayers to you and to God in the mornings when he wakes up .....i am going to try and keep doing that with him.  he senses your presence here in the house, i swear he does. esp in the "lizzie" room.  God, i can't beleive that this is how i have to communicate with you. who would have ever thought!!!??? 

ok...i have to go for now, cuz i can feel my eyes welling up with tears.  i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you.....