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mommy
 

Hi Lizzie angel baby~

well, this past weekend has been a busy one! everything revolved around you.  You will always be forever 21 in my heart...i know that this birthday was the BIG ONE, so we will stop here.  This first birthday without you was really sad, i am so glad that most of your closest friends came to celebrate with us.  I don't know what i would have done without their love.  Everybody was sure busy and your spiritual presence was felt as well. 

I am still angry that you aren't here with us anymore, i am stuck here in this anger mode. i don't know if it will ever go away.  I know that i can deal wiht it now, but my heart aches every single minute of every single day.

You were taken from us, you had no control, but apparently God wanted you.  Lizzie, i hope that you are in a better place and that you are peaceful and happy.  Come to me in my dreams soon, as I am getting ready to see You.  I really think I can handle it now. 

I LOVE and MISS YOU  and would do ANYTHING to hold you in my arms......

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox     (21 hugs and kisses)

your mommy
 

this is your birthday week! your 21st birthday at that! instead of feeling happy and joyous i am dead inside:(

you should be having me completely annoyed by now, by all the talk of "guess what mommy, my 21st birthday is almost here!" i can hear you saying that 24/7 for the past month:)  lizzie, your birthday was always a BIG EVENT and we always teased you about it, but this year, is so different.  its still going to be a BIG EVENT with your friends here, but it will be bittersweet.  Nobody could ever know what i feel inside, i miss you so freaking much, there ARE NO WORDS to descibe what or how i am feeling.  I look around in this world, i am always looking for you, for signs, anything .  Ya know what?  i have the biggest gift you could have ever given me sitting right here on my lap, his name is aayden christopher shea and he is YOU!

I LOVE U SWEETIE PIE, we will celebrate your life this may 23rd and your memory will NEVER FADE!!!

mommy
 

Well baby, this is really a hard month for us all you would have been graduated, today is mother's day and your 21st birthday is coming up!

 

i think of all these events every moment of the day. First i want to tell you Happy Mother's Day to the best little mama ever! I know that you are guiding aayden from your spot in heaven.  You are doing a beautiful job sweetie pie and we will never let you down.  Aayden is our bright light throughout all this pain.  Second of all, i want to wish you a big fat congratulations! i know that you would be close or even done with school and you would have been well on your way to a successful career in hairstyling! Something that you would have suceeded in and you would have loved!   Third of all, your birthday is so close. I know you would have been driving us all crazy with the talk of your birthday!  I MISS THAT~~~~ you will still get to celebrate as we are.  We all know that you will be with us on the 23rd.  

I miss you my love, it doesn't get any easier, we all miss U.  This house hasn't been the same since you left. It never will.  You are ALWAYS in my heart...

 

 

Lauren
 

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Thought there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Everyday that gets closer to your birthday is more sad than the day before. I miss you. Everything is so different everyone is so different. Everyone is still as sad as they have always been the pain doesn't stop. I want to see you. I miss your voice and your laugh.
The loss of you is starting to feel real.
Whenever I miss you I look at this picture it makes me laugh no matter what.
Big B
 

My Dear Daughter,

 

Mothers Day will be here in a few days.

 

I am sad always that you are no longer here with us physically, but on special days like this the sadness almost crushes me. My sadness takes me back to the time when I found out that you were going to be a mother.  I had many mixed emotions. I wondered if you were ready for so great a responsibility. I wondered about your reasons for your choices. I wondered what effect it would have on your life. I wondered if you would give you life in love to your child. I wondered if you would grow up and assume the adult responsibilities that would be required of you. Most of the questions came from my own experience of having a son at a very early age. I was so pleased with every answer your life gave me. I saw you start to grow up, take the responsibility, and love your son as a wonderful mother. I saw you get (and keepJ) a job, go back to school and mature. All the special qualities I knew were inside you started to surface. I was so very proud of you!!

 

I am angry always that you are no longer here with us physically, but on special days like this the anger almost overwhelms me. I am angry that you and I will never get the chance to become friends as adults. I am angry that you and I will never get the chance to have the grandfather – mother relationship that Aayden brought to us. I am angry that you and I will not get to laugh at the fun things together, figuring out the problems together and crying at the difficult times together.  I am angry that you will not know how much I love your son, experience how spoiled I intend him to be and see the immense pride I feel to be his grandfather. I am angry because you were taken in the prime of your life leaving all the achievements you were to accomplish undone. I am angry for the loss of all your smiles, your laughs, our fights, our hugs, and for the many great moments of pride in you that I have been cheated out of.

 

I am thankful always, even though you are no longer here physically, but on special days like this, I want to make sure I count my blessings. I am thankful that I shared your life with you for the short time we had. I am thankful for all the memories I have of you. I am thankful that you left me such and amazing and wonderful boy to watch over as he grows and becomes a man. I am thankful that Aayden grows more like you every day in appearance, spirit and actions because you remain with me in him. I am thankful that many lives were changed in positive ways with your passing. I am thankful that God is teaching me many lessons through your death. I am thankful that you left me your mom to love and grow old with. I am most thankful that time will eventually lessen the sadness, the anger and the torment that now is almost unbearable while leaving my memories of you as vivid as if they were yesterday.

 

Happy Mothers Day, Lizzie. I love you and miss you. 

 

Big B

 

When we walk through the Valley of Weeping, it becomes a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessings collect after the rein, Psalms 84:6

Total Memories: 147
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