On Friday Crystal and I watched Aayden, while the fam went to dinnner for your sister's birthday and parents anniversary. It was nice to see everyone your Dad and uncle Frank were in town too. God your dad and brother are like the same person. And it's so silly to have your dad tell Aayden something about aunt Kenna lol. After your dad left everytime crystal would tell aayden to do something he would say no and try not to smile, JUST LIKE YOU! He talked about you all night I couldn't understand anything but the Mommy part. He is so lucky to have your family, he is  the Shea-Allen mascot, those people love him more than anything.

 

Saturday we all got together for Jenny and Jessie's birthdays. It was like everyone was half laughing because it didn't feel right to be laughing. You not being there at first didn't feel weird but when medea got there and you weren't with her that's when it was like okay where is Liz. Not the same never will be.

 

Love you cuddin

hey sweetie!

it's december something or other, i am totally blank on the date, anyways not important! was just sitting here thinking about a specific memory to put down and everything in my mind is still all jumbled together.  most most loving memory is when we were the "cuddlers" we sure had some mom-daughter times then, watching court tv, forencis files, and just talking about what was going on in your life.  i always felt privilaged when you trusted me, our conversations.  i learned thru the years that trust is probably the single most important factor in any relationship.  i am always complimented when people trust me, it means that they think i have integrity and i try hard to maintain that. You knew that in me:)  we have so many memories. its christmas soon, it's just not going to be the same. but we plan on honoring you each and every year that time passes.  you will be happy. and aayden will never ever forget what you stood for and who you were trying to be. there are so many of your friends with tats and cremation jewelry its amazing and they are all in honor of you.  i really am sad to say that i didn't realize how many friends you had. and i know that they are friends, cuz there is not one day that goes by that somebody doesn't call me or email me or send me messages on myspace. its amazing!  we have been hanging around jenny alot. she misses you terribly, as do all your other friends, but jenny doesn't have lots of other friends to grieve too, so she has become part of our family in a major way and chris B is awesome!!  eddie  misses you like crazy. the other night we were out celebrating jessicas 25th birthday and all the way home he was so teary eyed.  "i miss her" was all he kept saying.  i  had to be strong for him. he was so close to you. you guys are your head bucking moments, but it was all for the good!

as time goes, i know that all my memories that i have of you will be sorted out and then i may be able to put them in some kind of chronological order.  each and every day with you was quite the adventure! i miss our phone calls 20 million times a day.  i hope that you love your shrine in your honor in now what we call the lizzie room, its beautiful, just like you.  rest well my love, you are always on my mind! always..........

love your mommy

Tomorrow will be two months... God Liz, I just don't know why? This is the hardest thing that I have ever dealt with in my whole life. I miss you so much and I think about you ALL the time. Today I was at the Break Time gas station by your house and I thought of about 10 memories that we had there like when I ran out of gas and you and Paige had to push the car... hahaha! Or when we me you and Tina went on our dinner walks, and you found the guy who had the tires you needed, and then I just thought of all the time we went there and got two dollars in change worth of gas. I still haven't really gone out, I just don't think it would be the same without you, even tho I went out when we weren't friends I knew I would see you. You being gone is really starting to hit me, it's so weird to wake up one day and everything be so different. I never thought that my life could change in 5 seconds... after hearing what happened to you everything about me changed in so many different ways. Some in the good and some in bad. I don't even know anymore whats going on but it sure has been a hard year. The thing I learned about all of this is that life is very REAL, and to value what you have. I miss you girl!

hey my dear baby lizzie,

its december 8th 2007, and we are having our first ice storm. aayden is safe and sound in his bed . Jessica and aaron just left to go pick up jenny roop and ed is downstairs chillin out!  i just wanted to do a bit of reflecting on what was going on last year at this time. well, its almost christmas, so even if i don't get it right on the money, but i can safely assume that we were shopping for christmas gifts, mostly for aayden, b/c it was his first christmas.  he got so many toys.  i remember when it was christmas morning, you were so excited b/c here was this beautiful 10 month baby ready to get into everything.  you were kind of disappointed though cuz he didn't get all excited about everything. he couldn't grasp the concept! he loved the paper and the boxes and such.  you really got him so many gifts.  this year aayden will be well taken care of, but its me that is having an unbearable time of things.  seems like i am always fighting back tears.  i miss you baby. seems like that is all i ever say anymore:(  i am just so blessed to have had you for the short time that i did!  i am glad that you had a full life. you lived your life to the fullest, for that i am greatful!  this has been so hard on me, but its really made me open my eyes to alot of things around me.  you were always my "special" child and you always will be.  you knew how to work me, i was so aware and i got a huge kick out of it for the most part.  thank you my angel, for being my best friend.  you are now my hero! i love you , and we will see each other again when God is done with me.

Liz,

My sister, my friend, and now my angel.  I think of you everyday and every minute of the day.  I know i cant bring you back, its impossible, but It just would be better for everyone.  I have to trust God at this point.  I have to trust HIM that you are in a better place.  I have to trust HIM that you didnt suffer. 

Liz, I miss you so much, I miss your stories, you always begging me for a smoke, always wanting my ID.  You brought the party with you.  It will never be the same, but you know what, I look at your beautiful son and see you.  You remember when we used to call you...BIG TOE LITTLE SISTER J????!!!???  Well your son has your chin and definatly your toe...Im gonna call him....BIG TOE LIL NEPHEW A!!!! LOL how you like that?  Well I gotta get going cause I am at work.  Love you sissy!